So many swingers sites, so hard to find a good one…

My name is Lola (this is not my photo, I prefer to be discreet). My husband and I have been swingers for many years. We felt the need to explore each others’ hidden sexual fantasies and when we read about the swinging lifestyle, we realized that we could actually do that together, without ever thinking about cheating. After the first few encounters with other couples we saw that we were enjoying it greatly. It took a few years for us to be able to get rid of jealousy and express our most secret and dark desires to each other, no matter how wild and shocking they might sound at first. And help each other fulfill them. And then repeat the ones that we really liked. Now that we are very experienced, we can share our advice and insights with those who are starting their journey into swinging.
One of the first questions new swingers are trying to find an answer to is: where to find like-minded people discreetly, to prevent family members, co-workers or ‘vanilla’ friends knowing about your secret sex life? The obvious answer would be: swingers dating sites. And we have tried many of them. So many that we have lost track of most of our memberships.

The unpleasant truth about swingers web sites is: most of them are a waste of time and money. Only few of them work. But to tell the difference, you have to actually try a lot of them.

Here is why most swingers sites don’t work:

If it’s a paid site, it has to have enough members in your area to entice you to join and purchase a membership. Having joined some of such sites, we discovered during a free trial that the number of members in our city is too small to warrant a payment. Many ‘swingers’ sites are a mixture of adult dating (singles looking for casual sex) and swinger dating. Which means that there are way too many single men, which in turn means that you will be propositioned by the people you don’t want (unless you like single men).

Fake profiles. Many men put up a fake “couple” or “woman” profile in order to get you into a sex chat or to send them explicit photos.

Fake ‘free sites’. Many swingers sites advertise themselves as ‘free’, but when you join, you find out that only basic features are free. In order to start communicating with other couples for real, you have to ‘upgrade’, that is, pay a fee.

Bad user interface. We ran into some sites that looked interesting, only to find out that they were highly inconvenient to use. So, after many years of using dozens of swingers websites (most of them we abandoned after a trial), here are some recommendations that may save you lots of time:

Paid site: The membership is huge. Although the site offers a mixture of adult dating and swinger dating, there are enough swinger couples there to justify paying the membership fee. There is a free membership, but you won’t be able to contact anyone unless you upgrade. It has worked for us quite well (with paid membership).

Free site: Huge member base. However, the site’s focus is matchmaking, not swinger dating. From our experience, most ‘swinger’ couples there are newbies looking for a first encounter with a single woman. A lot of the newbies are confused and unsure about what they want. Nonetheless, we met a few real swinger couples there.

Free site: Probably the only swingers site that fits our requirements: It’s completely free (no hidden charges, no money traps, no credit card info required), and it is restricted to swinger lifestyle couples and women only. Single males are not accepted, and we noticed that fake profiles are removed when members complain about them. The site is simple and easy to use. It is not overloaded with explicit stuff. We find that we can contact as many members as we want, while remaining safely discreet at the same time. The only shortcoming is that this free swingers site is new and has not accumulated a large membership base yet. However, it is growing quite fast. We’ve been finding our playmates there lately, more than on any other site. Feel free to ask us anything you want regarding the swinging lifestyle (write your question in the Leave your Comment field).

4 thoughts on “So many swingers sites, so hard to find a good one…

  1. Pingback: So many swingers sites, so hard to find a good ...

  2. We have to make an update to this post, because some things have changed:

    Adultfriendfinder ‘upgraded’ the site recently, which resulted in a very slow and user-hostile messaging. Good messaging is key to dating sites and if it’s busted – that was the end for us. We’ve had some nice encounters with couples from aff, but then the issues with their dysfunctional mail got to us and we decided not to pay them anymore. Why pay when we can have fuller and better service completely free on fullofdesire? Besides, we heard that aff is on the brink of bankruptcy or something. In addition, their privacy policy is a joke.

    You can see it for yourself: type in your aff profile name in Google Search and feel your hair stand on end: your profile name and photos are on every aff-affiliated crap sites that you never signed up for. There are hundreds of them! Not only your profile photos are all over the internet, your profile info and statuses are as well. Every friend you added on aff has you in their friends list, so your profile and photos exposure in the public space is multiplied by the number of friends you have on aff. We deleted out profile in a hurry, but it is still out there, floating in all those aff-related sites.

    By comparison, we did a search for our profile name and nothing came up – complete discretion… We have to try doing it with other sites too.

    We have stopped using plentyoffish either, because they tightened up screws against anything that is not vanilla singles dating (meaning that the site is hostile towards swingers).

    So, we keep trying other sites, but our most productive membership at this point is with They have grown a lot, the new version of the site allows to post Meetups, there is videochat, and the admins seem to sweep the fakes out rather efficiently. And on top of everything, they manage to keep being completely free.

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