Is Vanilla Sex Killing Your Marriage?


Imagine this. There is only one kind of food in your fridge: the best and most expensive yogurt you can ever find. It’s delicious and full of health benefits. You can get unlimited supplies of it for free on one condition: you have to eat nothing else but it every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. How long do you think will it take before you end up in a hospital with a severe digestive disorder or a mental health problem? A week, two weeks… two days? You don’t like yogurt? OK, replace it with your favorite food: Maine lobster, Kobe beef, black caviar… The condition remains that you can only eat this one type of food every day. You get the picture?

Now, count how many different foods you eat every day, every week, every month. Look at your grocery list. Look at the cooking channels that push variety of daily diet, so you, God forbid, wouldn’t have a monotonous menu…?

Well, sex is like food, only more desirable. People die if they don’t eat. Mankind survives because people make babies. The Creator made the process so pleasant that everyone wants to make babies, almost all the time. At some point the smarter ones figured out that they can get just the pleasure, without the hassle of dealing with babies. They called it sex. Some call it making love, some call it fucking. No matter what it’s called, it is so enjoyable that everyone wants it, from early age until they die.

But… Everyone comes to realize that if you try and have the most enjoyable sex the same way over and over again, with the same person, you will eventually get your average conventional marriage. Which means: divorce rate is through the roof, and you are not immune to it. Those who are not divorced, are trying to stay together for the sake of the children, financial stability or for convenience. Just because you love your husband and he is a great father to your children, and a bread-winner, does not necessarily mean that he is an ideal lover to you. There seems to be no good time to talk about it. So, the routine of life takes center stage and sex becomes an afterthought. You can stifle the desire for a while, but you cannot kill it completely. And after a while the suppressed lust starts raising its ugly head.  Husbands get mistresses, wives get lovers. Sex crimes are on the rise, pedophiles and maniacs are everywhere; nowadays you are not safe even with your pastor or member of parliament.

What went wrong? Let’s face the reality. Centuries of the monogamous marriage institution have proven that marriage can be great for raising children, managing a household, sometimes love and relationship. But the one thing marriage is not good for is sexual gratification. Any sex therapist will tell you that you need to vary your married sex life as much as possible, to ‘keep the spark going.’ What they will NOT tell you is that regardless of how much you vary it with the same partner, it will sooner or later come to the same result: stale sex, also often referred to as ‘vanilla’.

The irony is that swinger couples don’t have any of these problems. They can have as many sex partners as they both have time for. They can screw other people without cheating on each other, right there, in front of their partner, while he or she is doing the same. Variety is endless. Fantasies are flowing, anticipation of fulfilling them makes you smile mysteriously at work. Swinger couples are probably the happiest couples we know. They can live out their sexual fantasies together and that makes other parts of their lives better too. Recently we compared the swinger couples we know with the ones that don’t swing. The verdict was clear: swingers have stronger families and fuller lives.

Think about it. I don’t want to recruit newbie couples into the lifestyle, there is no need for that. Many couples who are looking for a solution to make their married life better are finding it in swinging, without anyone’s help. I am just asking the question: is vanilla sex killing your marriage? We’ve been there, and we are not going back.

See also: Is Swinging Immoral or Abnormal?

2 thoughts on “Is Vanilla Sex Killing Your Marriage?

  1. What you say is so logical it cannot do anything else but to make sense.
    I sense that even though women sexual happiness are also hurt by vanilla sex, they tend to prefer choose putting it under a rug instead of taking the “risk” their husband enjoy so much sleeping with other women that he will want to leave them. Which really is the opposite: a man who has no sexually repressed feelings will not leave their adored wife! He is looking for sex, not falling in love.
    Men’s sex drives trump their male insecurity of seeing their wife with others and that is part why they are almost always the one proposing this lifestyle. I personally had no insecurity because I always told myself, I love my wife and making her happier is the goal, whatever it takes.

  2. My wife and I used to be in the vanillia crowd. We are both in our 50’s. About a year ago we started pegging. Pegging opened more than my “backdoor” for us. We have open and honest communication. Our sex lives cou;d not be better. Just six months ago we had a nice young couple (they are in their early 20’s and very nonjudgmental) moved into our neighborhood. We are now a foursome. Until this time never my wife nor I had even had same sex ‘partners.’ We now enjoy all kinds of sex. “Tom” and I have wonderful anal intercourse. There is something to be said for ‘playing’ with a penis that isn’t yours. He has taught me a thing or two. “Jen” and my wife have a wonderful time and my wife reports having wonderful orgasms (as do I!) Our new sex life and relationships have brought mywife and I closer together.

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