Inside a Swingers Resort: Myths vs the Truth

resort images

We get many questions from couples who are curious about swingers resorts. Here are some facts about those places.

Types of resorts:
“Adult” resorts do not necessarily mean they are for swingers. It may be just a resort for people taking a vacation without their children.

Nudist resorts: although you can meet some occasional swingers there, most of nudist resorts are for people who just enjoy to be naked in the nature. If your purpose is to find people to engage in sexual activities with, you may be disappointed. We had some embarrassing moments when we approached nude couples who did not have a clue about swinging.

Swingers resorts: they could be for couples-only or for couples and singles. We’ve been to both. Both types of resorts have their own advantages.

Myth: It’s a ‘free for all’, sex everywhere, orgies 24/7.

The Truth: You’d be surprised that even in these places that are dedicated to swinging, manners and etiquette rule. In most places we’ve been to, sexual behavior is not allowed on the beach or on the beach beds.

Myth: People are naked everywhere, all the time.

The Truth: Many of such resorts are clothing-optional, which means that in certain areas you can be nude during the day – on the beach and inside the resort. Typically you are still required to wear some clothes in restaurants at breakfast and lunch. You have to wear evening outfits for dinner, in most places.

As do conventional resorts, swinger resorts offer lots of non-sexual activities that may range from sports to excursions, fishing trips, diving, etc.

The difference between regular resorts and the ones for swingers is that the latter ones have areas where you can have sex with other couples (or singles, if they are allowed). Usually such areas include a hot tub and various playrooms. Some couples organize parties in their rooms.

This is what a day in a swingers resort looks like:

Breakfast (or not, for those sleeping in)

Lazy stay on the beach or silly pool games (often with erotic context). Sports, tours, diving.


Beach, gym, pool, bars.

Around 5pm people start drifting towards the jacuzzi. As they get relaxed with their drinks, they start looking around for potential dates. Chatting, flirting, touching, kissing and groping may start in the water. Often wives would be swapped. Oral sex on the edge of the hot tub is a frequent sight. Little by little all the beds around the jacuzzi are being occupied.Β  It may be two, three or more couples together on a bed. Fresh towels and bed sheets are supplied in abundance.

Privacy: no cameras or cell phones are normally allowed in public areas at swingers resorts. This rule is very strict and is enforced by security. You have to sign a paper upon arrival that you agree to all the privacy rules.

Around 8-9pm people go back to their rooms to get dressed for dinner.

After dinner there is some kind of a live entertainment show. Around 11pm the disco starts. There is usually a theme for every night. Some people really dress up according to the theme, but it is not obligatory. The disco almost always have one or more ‘playrooms’ attached to it, where sex is allowed. Depending on the evening and the mood, it may get really wild and hot in the playrooms, orgies may spontaneously occur too.

Usually there is some kind of a bar that is open 24/7 and serves snacks and fast food.

Despite the openly seductive atmosphere, most people at swingers resorts are very polite and well-mannered. A simple ‘no’ really means NO, no explanations required. Since not every couple can afford to go to a swingers resort (they are relatively expensive), it’s mostly upper middle-class clientele, who take good care of themselves. Hygiene standards are quite high too. We felt very safe in every swingers resort we’ve been to.

Do not expect to have sex with other people every time you want it. As in other swingers places, it is not always easy to find a good match even for casual spontaneous sex. A lot of factors are at play: the mood you or they are in, the looks, the body type, the situation (may be they have already made plans with someone else), etc., etc. However, this is a swingers resort, after all, so you will have some adventures for sure.

All I know is that lots of couples get addicted to their favorite swingers resorts. Many call them their ‘second home’ or ‘paradise on earth’. We know couples who’ve been to the same resort 10, 15 and more times.

Many couples create a legend for their families and friends, to conceal the fact that they go to a swingers resort. Many resorts provide a phone number for a ‘vanilla’ resort where family members can call and find you by room number. Discretion for guests is observed, as a rule.

If you have any more questions about our swingers resorts experience, don’t be shy to ask them (via Comments).

62 thoughts on “Inside a Swingers Resort: Myths vs the Truth

  1. Wow, this was very informative! I’m a 24 year old female who is getting into this lifestyle with my 32 year old boyfriend. If you had to pinpoint it, what would you say is the #1 most useful piece of advice you could give us for getting started.

    Thanks and keep writing! I’m totally bookmarking your blog. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you Amanda. I’d say no amount of theory can replace practice. My advice would be this: the couples you will be meeting will never be perfect. There may be some not-so good experiences, but they should not discourage you. Eventually you will find out what exactly you like the most and you will learn how to tell easily if the people you are communicating with are compatible with you or not.

  2. Hi, im a 21 year old single male looking to experience an adventure in one of these type of resorts. Which one will you recommend for me looking to have some fun & meet new people?

    • First of all, most of these resorts are couples-only (except Hedonism II). Single males have a hard time in swinging, because there are too many of them per each couple or woman. Your best chance is to find a woman who has the same fantasies as you and do it together.

  3. Hi, my wife and I have been in the lifestyle for a about a year and half. We are looking to go to our first Swingers resort. She plays. I watch. Those are the rules. lol. So she is only bi curious. She defiantly prefers young men. Is there any resort that caters to them. Or do a lot of couples at the resort allow their husbands to play with or with out their wife. Without having to have me get involved.

    • Hi JP,
      Hedonism II would be the type of resort you are looking for. Unlike the couples-only resorts, Hedonism allows single males to book their vacations there. Therefore, for couples where wives want to play and husbands want to watch, there is an abundance of single men.
      The Swinger Wife

      • Is there also an abundance of women? My husband likes to watch and occasionally get involved, but primarily I like to engage in women.

  4. You said most places wont let you have sex on the beach. Do you know of any that do? Also are you speaking of a particular resort when you go into detail in your description about the hot tub and surrounding outdoor beds? I am into public sex and a lot of the resorts I am checking out (such as Desire) say they don’t allow that.

    • We have been to several different resorts and none of them allowed sex on the beach. The beach is public property in most countries. However, most of swinger resorts have outdoor play areas, provided that they cannot be seen from outside of the compound, i.e., rooftop jacuzzi and play beds around it, or areas that are not directly on the beach and are properly secluded. Such spaces often have hot tubs and play beds around them. The situation I described in the article is typical for any swingers resort.

  5. Thanks for really clarifying what the resort experience is all about. We are planning to book a trip in early 2014 and are quite concerned that we will be very disappointed. My wife is 28 years old and loves getting action from large groups of single men. Her preference is restricted to fit clean guys under 40. We have had great experiences at lifestyle clubs in Montreal and Florida. However, no matter how great the club is the type of experience we are into is usually limited to Fridays only as many other nights are focused on an older clientele or couples only. If we spend all the money and time on a resort, it would be a true disappointment to only find action on 1 night out of 7. We are also hoping to find play rooms with swings or other fun amenities.

    It sounds like you feel that Hedonism is our only option. If that is true, we still have big choices as to what week we choose to go on. There are events every week and our concern is that a particular event might really hurt the options available to us in finding large groups of single guys that understand the lifestyle and what we are looking for.

    Do you have any specific advise for us in regards to cementing Hedonism as the only option and when would be best to go? We want to do a lot of research before booking and just need experienced travellers to steer us in the right direction.


  6. My partner and I are unique in that we are fwb’s, he is 33 and I am 66. He’s been wanting us to go to a Hedonist resort. I have swung before but he hasn’t. Any advice as he truly prefers older women and I, younger men. LOL We are both in very good shape and not hard on the eyes. Which resort would you suggest?

    • I think Hedonism would be the closest place for finding what you want… You can find older women as parts of couples there and there are plenty of young single men looking for older women.

  7. Hi. Great website/blog. My wife and I are looking for something a little different. We have never done anything like this but after 27 years together we guess it might be fun to spice things up. However, I would not say we are interested in full-fledged swinging. She wants a threesome but with another woman. She has no interest in being with another man, and I am just as happy about that πŸ˜‰ Although in our very early fifties we are in quite good shape and fairly attractive. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated?

    • Single women looking for couples are difficult to find, because there are not a lot of them and they rarely stay single for long. That’s why they are called unicorns… But it is not impossible. If you are patient and persistent, you will find what you are looking for. You may also consider finding a couple like you, and let the women play while men are watching…
      I can also suggest trying – it’s a free swingers site for couples and women only. It works quite well for us.

  8. My gf and I enjoy playing with other couples. We’ve recently booked a trip to La Mirage in Gran Canaria, have you heard anything about this resort and what we should expect?

  9. My wife and I are looking to book a stay at a swingers resort. After doing a lot of research, we are finding a lot of these places are not well taken care of, and is mostly for the older crowd. What would you say would be the best resort to visit, taking into consideration cleanliness, friendliness, and overall the best bang for your buck??

    • From our experience, the best way to find out about a swingers resort is to read reviews on tripadvisor or on adulttravelforum.
      We thought that Hedonism was a little run down, but we managed to get good rooms, and Desire Riviera Maya was a decent 4-star standard. Each resort has its pros and cons depending on what the couples wants, so a thorough research is recommended before booking.

  10. Are all ethnic groups welcome at these resorts? We are an interracial couple and we dont wish to experience any type of hatred.

    • From our experience, the resorts contingent can be quite multi-ethnic. The pressing majority is still white, but there are other ethnicities and mixed couples present. In Hedo, black males are very popular among certain couples.

  11. What a great blog. Thanks so much for shedding some light on the resort scene. I am recently married 26-year-old with a huge interest in the lifestyle. Issue is, my husband is only now telling me he has no interest, and would consider any aspect of swinging, cheating. We had discussed my desires before the wedding and he said he would consider trying things with me. Now it’s like that was all a ploy to get a ring on my finger.

    In your experience, do men ever change their minds on this topic, or I am I just naive in hoping he will get comfortable with the idea?

    • Hi Peggy,
      Frankly, your case is rare, in our experience. Usually it’s the man who initiates swinging, although many women get to like it afterwards and become active participants in organizing the encounters. However, no matter whether it’s the man or the woman who doesn’t want it, it may be tough on the relationship and sexual gratification. I would try to find out what are the exact reasons why he does not want to do it (jealousy, insecurity, etc.). Try to reassure and convince him to have a taste of it. However, it it does not work, I am afraid the forces of nature might be too strong compared to the desire to keep a marriage in which sex is not fully satisfying.

  12. Me and my best friend are married so we agreed with our wives that we want a boys week off so they agreed. Whats the best resort for me and my friend. We are 30 and 2 boys so I think that we are considered single. We also have to find a swingers resort for them.

  13. A friend and I are both newly divorced women in our mid 30s and we are very curious about taking a vacation to let loose a little bit to celebrate. I guess we would be considered singles even though we would be traveling together because we aren’t a couple. What resort would be the best for us? We both are ok with being with men or women. How seriously is safe sex practiced?

    • Hedonism would be probably the most appropriate in your case, because they won’t let you book at a couples-only resorts like Desire. How safe is your sex will be up to you. You define the rules on how you do it.

  14. Is it odd that my boyfriend and I were suppose to attend a swingers resort together? It would have been my first time but he just went ahead and left me behind because I couldn’t get a sitter.. Aren’t couple suppose to go together? We both agreed we’d never do anything with another couple if the other wasn’t around so why would he go then if I didnt? I’m confused!!

    • Hi Megan,
      First of all, yes, swinger couples usually stick together and most agree that they cannot play separately, as a single. But some couples do not have those rules. Secondly, most swinger resorts are for couples only. Unless your bf went to Hedonism, where single men are allowed. In any case, if you had an agreement and he chose to go alone, you definitely have a problem in your relationship. Swinging is not cheating… it’s exploring desires together.

  15. As a single woman, I would be looking for several of the single men, I’d be more than happy to be overwhelmed by these excess men, and I want to do that in a place where the people are clean, responsible, respectful and disease free. Is this a possible reality or will it always just be my fantasy?

    • Most swinger clubs have days of the week when they allow single men, who usually pay a higher membership and entrance fee. In the clubs that we go to, Saturdays are couples-only and Fridays are couples and singles. However, single women are always welcome on any day.

  16. Where are those beaches seen in the videos of swinger beaches where there are scads of people engaging in various sex acts and other people just wandering by and others watching?

    • That’s probably Cap D’Agde. However, most swingers resorts have a very strict policy of no filming and no photos in play areas. Violators face expulsion.

  17. Hey,
    What can you tell me about Temptation in Cancun Mexico? Is it just an adult only hotel or is it a swingers resort? I have heard that Temptation is only a swingers resort in January. Is that true?

  18. Thank you so much for the informative page!

    My husband and I are not swingers, but also not bothered by the lifestyle. What we do love is hanging out in the nude, the more the better! If we could be nude 24/7 for a week, that would be ideal!

    We do like a sexually charged atmosphere and would love to be somewhere where it wouldn’t be frowned upon, for example, if my husband got excited. (I love teasing him and trying to get him excited at nudist resorts, but that’s bound to get us kicked out at some places…)

    We would definitely prefer a place that only allowed couples.

    Do you have any suggestions what kind of place might be suitable for us?

    • We go to swingers resorts, not nudist. But I know there are some couples-only resorts that are not necessarily for swingers. I saw some info for those in the Dominical Republic and some – on the Sandals resort site.

    • Hello Jennifer,
      I just came into this page, with some other questions and so your question. I do not know where in the world you are, but the place for you is France. There are so many nude retreats, where you can be nude 24/7.
      If I can reccommend you one, I would say St. Girones where you have this Arnotchat retreat. Wonderful. That was our first nudist resort and we absolutely loved it. There were hardly any singles and it was only families and couples. Wonderful place.
      If you are also into swinging, try Cap d’Agde. If not, St.Girones, Montalivet etc are the best.

  19. We want to go to a resort like this.. I am bi curious and my husband can hook up with other women is it looked down on if I don’t hook up with a man but he hooks up with a women

  20. We are swinger couple n looking for the same. Actually, all of swinging resort are in carrebian counrties. Do we have some at Asia or Europe ?

  21. My wife and I have been married for some years. I want to go to a swingers resort to experience it for the first time. My wife agreed to go but she says that she will not go in the nude nor participate in any sexual engagement. I am sure she is excited to go but she is a bit old-fashioned. I would love to seeing her playing and me watching, that is my best fantasy. Could her change her mind once in the ambience? what could I do to convince her? I do not want to force her into that but I want her to enjoy the life and I am also sure that the lucky male who can get her will have a really good time to. I really enjoy seeing people happy.I appreciate this site exists so we can get a wise piece of advise from you.

    • It’s hard to convince a woman unless she secretly wants it. If she agrees to go to such a resort, it means that there may be a chance… But you will have to be very patient and not to pressure her.

  22. My husband and I are thinking about going to Desire. We love to be with people and drink and have fun! We have never done anything as a couple with another couple. We often talk about who we would “get” with and what we would allow the other to do. My reservations about going to Desire is: if I do not want to walk around nude will I look out of place? I can see my husband and I sitting next to the pool on a bed and “playing” with eachother (as long as drinks are involved to help me relax) but I do not think I could see us going into the sin room and be next to several couples all having an orgy. We do not want to go to another resort for the fear of being bored. We are not much up for sight seeing. We just want to eat good food, drink a lot, and be social. If things lead to a LIGHT play time later – then that is fine. Is light activity done here or will we be very much out of the norm? Thanks for any help!

  23. HI , I am a good looking bisexual male. Love sex with both men and women, preferably at the same time. Any advice? Thanks

  24. Hola, we are new to the scene initially we enjoy watching and being watched. We have been to several clubs around the world with mixed results. She has expressed interest in bringing a woman into the play and no guy’s. I am of the same mindset but not sure what would be our best travel option for a swing resort, any suggestions?


  25. hello friend, my question is to allow unmarried men swinger resort except for Hedonims, and on what date comes a lot of people.
    Thank you

  26. My wife and I are voyeurs and have an exhibitionist streak. I love to show off, she likes to show me and tease me in public, and when loosened up, will flash a little. We would like to experience a couples only, c/o atmosphere, not in Mexico, but she is concerned if she decides not to undress in the c/o areas, she will be unwelcome. She loves to look at people, but doesn’t want to feel pressured or unsafe, like a piece of meat. We are attractive but not athletes. Any advice for us as well as a newbie friendly destination with active nightlife?

    • For couples-only, the Desire resorts in Mexico are most popular, but recently some people have become concerned with the level of crime in the country.

      Apart from Mexico, there are some couples resorts in the Dominican Republic, US (California, etc.) in Europe (Spain, Canary Islands, South of France, etc.). You could also try swingers cruises. All of those are easy to find online, just Google the keywords of your preferences.

  27. Husband and I have been swinging for a year-and-a-half we really enjoyed it. Now make sure you see it’s for a resort like these. But I am a BBW. Would I fit in with my husband at these resorts. Would hate to be the only big girl there, LOL

    • Rest assured, there are all kinds of shapes and bodies at swinger resorts. There are of course, groups of conceited people with fake boobs and faces full of Botox, but it’s easy to avoid them. Anyone can find their own fun there… in general.

  28. Hello Deewife,
    My wife and I went to Cap d’Agde for couple of nights, in the hope of commencing our swinging life. We stayed in a perfect nude resort, went to the nude beach followed by the swingers beach, went to the evening disco there (Le glamour), even paid for a sex club and wandered around hoping something will happen. But nothing happened to us. We were also quite shy to approach some other couple whom we liked.
    Could you tell us how is it that we meet a couple in this kind of a place. My wife is French and am from India, and we can attempt this only while in France. We plan to go back to Cap d’Agde but want to better prepared next time. Right now, we do not know if the swingers meet and swap partners in the place, or if they pre arrange meetings.
    Anything you have to say would be highly appreciated.
    Thanks a lot.

    • It is not uncommon for new swinger couples to have difficulty in finding playmates, at a club or at a swingers resort. From our experience, the best advice – don’t be pushy but be straightforward. Swinging couples are very friendly in general. Don’t be shy to say hi, introduce yourselves and strike a conversation. You can ask direct questions and you will get answers and guidance. If you just sit in the corner waiting for someone to approach you, chances are you may wait a long time. Some couples tend to stay in their own groups, but many are seeking new playmates, and you will meet them. Just make yourselves look open to contact.

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