Ask Your Question:

Here you can ask your questions about the swinging lifestyle.
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31 thoughts on “Ask Your Question:

  1. Does everyone have a limit on who they sleep with if they are vanillas? I wanna know cause i have my best friend off limits to my man- what do yall think?

  2. I’m married, and my wife and I have dabbled with swinging in the past. I recently met a really sexy couple, and I suspect they might be open to a fun night of play. How do I broach the subject without completely skeeving them out?

    • Try to bring up the subject of swinging without saying that you are swingers and see how they react. Tell them you are curious about the subject. If they are swingers or if they want to try it, you should be able to notice the signs.

  3. hi my wife and I enjoy sex but can rarely find time we have 12 yo daughter in next bedroom with thin walls. Both my wife and I work in professional jobs only really get Sunday together as family, My wife and I are open minded and been married 3 times each, she has mentioned a couple of times about a threesome as she knows I have been to clubs in a former life, She loves normal parties and is a real party animal, WE HAVE A SUPERB CLUB ABOUT A MILE AWAY, How do I approach the subject of attending a party, would be good get a baby sitter and enjoy ourselves

  4. Aren’t there any resorts within the United States? As a single woman, traveling alone to the resorts outside of USA make me feel a bit apprehensive. Any suggestions?

    • Hi Nicky,

      What state are you in? There are a few resorts in the US, however, we have not been to any yet. We know of some in California and Florida and rural retreats in other states. You can ask on the Forums at Swingers will be happy to help.

    • The simplest and fastest way is to stop being a single male swinger. They have the hardest time. Find a female partner who also wants to swing. Problem solved!

  5. Monogonous mariage for 25 years. very conservative but would like to take a bite of a wild ride with wife.
    Don´t think we want to swap or anything like that but would maybe like to watch others and maybe be watced as well. Would probably enjoy erotic games that arent too wild like stripping or so. Would you advise us to book a swinger resort for a couple of days or do you think it would be too much for us. Would love a bit of wild …..just not too much.

    • Resort might be too much if you are not sure of anything. I would recommend becoming members of a swinger club and look around. Or sign up on a good swingers site like, it has good forums, and you can get in touch with your local matches (it’s probably the only truly free swingers site). Also, if it’s just you who wants to swing and your wife doesn’t, you probably won’t go far (sorry for being straightforward).

  6. My husband and I are curious and interested in “swinging” with just another woman. Not a couple. I’m also not into girl on girl. From our experience a personal friend of mine would love to but she is very bi and I am not at all. My husband declined because he didn’t want it to effect our friendship level in any way. Suggested that we should somehow meet a woman we both feel comfortable with and are on the same page. So that we can all become friends together and not have to worry about anything else. I agree. So far even findind any prospects is at loss. Mainly due to the fact we don’t have time to go out and cruse the local bar scene either. Any advice on how to go about finding the right women to meet for a drink/face to face for us to even begin? Any sites for that?

    • Try I don’t know where you live but in our area it has more than enough members for us to find regular dates. It’s the only swingers dating site that is completely free (no money traps) and it only accepts real couples and women. We are members on many sites but now we mainly use fullofdesire.
      I would personally advise you against any friendships with your female lover. Being comfortable with someone to have a threesome with is, but being friends is quite another. Friendships just don’t work in this domain of life (swinging).

  7. Are there any resorts that are in cooler weather areas? I have issues with heat.
    Also any you recommend for people who have never done any swinging before?

  8. Hi I am a single male that has single female friend that is also into group fantasies. We are both unexperienced but very open minded. Where should we start?

  9. My wife and I have been married for 15 years. Anyone that knows us would say we’re deeply in love and a great couple. We have been best friends and passionately in love for a long time. We had a bumpy bit around 8 years with some infidelity, but with some counseling and hard work we’ve been in a really great place for about 5 years.

    About a year ago, my wife, who is a limit pusher, approached me about swinging. We did our homework and started setting some guidelines for how we should approach this. We decided after some discussion that if this is an extension of our bedroom play, like adding toys or role play would be, we can do this safely without harming our relationship.

    We met some couples and worked through some of the weird feelings that come from seeing your spouse with someone else, but generally started figuring it out. After a few experiences we found that we really just wanted FWB, i.e. some good friends that we enjoy hanging out with, but occasionally play with. The idea was that they would be in a healthy marriages, as is ours, and that we would have a little adult fun along the way.

    Well we met a couple that is into Poly and things have gone sour from my perspective. My wife is in love with the man and also with the woman. They have this love triangle thing going and I don’t enjoy being around them at all. They’re really not my type of people and the boundaries of this being an extension of our bedroom play is out the window. Having my wife fall in love with other people is not what I signed up for.

    Now she really doesn’t want to be with other people and just wants her love affair. I told her I don’t like it and that it makes me feel bad. I told her that I won’t force her to choose, but that I wanted her to know where I’m at.

    She has chosen to pursue this love relationship despite how it makes me feel. I love her very much and don’t feel like forcing her is getting what I want from her. I want her to choose me because she wants to. I want her to love me and me only because she wants to. She’s not in that place.

    Right now, I will continue to love her, regardless of how this makes me feel, but I’m concerned that over time I will just stop caring. I’ve put her first in our lives over and over and over again. She rarely every reciprocates that choice.

    As far as I’m concerned, I don’t care whether we continue or stop the lifestyle stuff. The physical fun with other consenting adults is fun, but not if it’s messing with the long term health of our marriage.

    I’ve been trying to tell my wife to look for another couple who seems to really have a wonderful marriage, good family life, not be on their 2nd or 3rd marriage, and is making this lifestyle stuff work. We can’t find a single example in anyone we’ve met. This is a sign to me that this may be an illusion and that this is a slow (or fast) marriage killer.

    Anyways, I’m at a loss right now. I have not a single friend that I feel I could talk to about this, so I’m going to the WWW to see what I can figure out there.

    • Hi, sorry to hear about your situation, but there is little advice that anyone can give you. Swinging only works if both of you enjoy it and if the couple is stable in their relationship. Your wife fell in love with a couple and she does not want to swing with others. You say you don’t care about swinging, you just want your wife back. All this has not much to do with swinging. You should work it out with your wife first, whether you are staying together as a couple or not and if yes, on what terms.

  10. Hi! Great article, very informative. My wife and I have a reservation at Desire RM later this year. We are both looking forward tobthis trip but have never participated in the swinging lifestyle. We’re both very open to the idea though.

    On to my question. In your article, you imply that visitors to these resorts are usually upper middle class and sophisticated. My wife and I both meet this criteria however I have many tattoos. Do you think this would be offputting to other couples? I know that what is considered attractive is subjective but can’t help womdering anyways.

    The Tattooed Scholar

  11. My husband and I of 35 years have just made reservations for the Desire Resort in Cancun. We are very interested in the Lifestyle but have only been chatting with people on an Adultfinder website. Thought we would just jump into this and try a resort. My question is, what do we tell our family when they ask where we are going? We don’t have kids but several siblings who will want to know. Thanks!

    • Hi Jan,
      You are not the only ones with this issue. First of all some swingers resorts (Desire included, as far as I can recollect), offer a phone number to call that will answer ‘welcome to such and such resort”, and it will not be a swingers resort. Secondly, most couples we know tell their families that they are going to a ‘vanilla’ resort and they name a regular resort that is located near the swingers resort.

  12. My fiance and myself are interested in attending a swing club for the first time are voyeurs generally accepted by the swinger community

  13. My wife and I 30 years married have always been open and had good communication.. On vacations we have spent time a nude resorts and run into the occasional life style couple.. We typical play to the point of soft swap but never more, our rule was no penitration.. A few weeks ago we met a couple and things progressed to the point of full separate room swap.. My wife got so turned on she sprinted to the bed room with husband 2 and I checked on her a few minutes later she was really enjoying herself.. Husband 2 was fuck her and she was legs up wrapped around him enjoying it big time.. Will that rule has been broken.. We didn’t stick around very long after everyone had been satisfied.. My wife wanted to leave and process what had happened.. We had a long talk and I was very supportive, seemed like a fun experience that brought us much closer.. So , here’s the problem.. Out at dinner yesterday we talked about it again.. Now her attitude is totally different, she said she doesn’t remember much, she didn’t enjoy it, why did I let it happen.. Again I’m supportive, but damn its like she is changing the story to deal with her new guilt.. Forget ever exploring the lifestyle,.. What to do?

    • It’s not unusual. Women tend to be prone to mood swings. It can be hormones and/or effects of a period, and many other things. You should gently try to find out what her real suppressed desires are and assure her that whatever they are you will help her fulfill them. However, after a wild play session, some women feel they need a break from the lifestyle. And sometimes those breaks can take a long time. In some cases the desire to swing may never come back. Such is the reality, but it’s for you to find out what it really is.

  14. Hi, I was curious what kind of sex people usually engage in. Is it couples swapping partners and going to private rooms separately, group sex of two or more couples and do people engage in 3 somes like fmf or mfm in common or private rooms.


    • It’s all of the above. A lot depends on the layout of the club. Some clubs have private rooms and common playrooms, some – just common playrooms.

  15. Is it common for someone interested in this lifestyle to need to feel comfortable with the couple to allow anything to happen? He sees any situation as just sex and fun. I don’t. I need too know they love each other 100% and there has to be a lot of respect between the 2. If that makes since.

    • Newbie swinger couples tend to require ‘getting to know each other’ before sex and ‘stay friends after’. We find that more experienced couples need just to feel comfortable that the other couple is not ‘weird’, that they are real, safe and clean. This doesn’t take a long time to find out. Experienced couples are not opposed to playing on the first night or jumping into group action at a club.

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